The Hidden Power of Consultative Sales: Why Being "Pushy" Isn't the Answer

How much do we want to close the SALE?

"But what if I'm not pushy enough to be good at sales?"

This question came up during a recent coaching session with a talented professional who was transitioning into a more sales-oriented role. As she voiced her concerns, I was transported back to my early days in tech sales, when I too grappled with the stereotype of the aggressive, pushy salesperson.

As an immigrant woman in the tech industry, I felt this pressure even more acutely. The prevailing image of successful salespeople – bold, aggressive, usually male – seemed at odds with both my personality and my values. But over my 20+ year journey from individual contributor to Sales VP at one of the world's largest tech companies, I discovered something powerful: authentic relationships sell better than any high-pressure tactic.

The Myth of the "Perfect" Salesperson

Let's address the elephant in the room: the persistent myth that successful salespeople need to be extroverted, aggressive, and always pushing for the close. This stereotype not only discourages talented people from pursuing sales roles but also promotes behaviors that can damage long-term business relationships.

In my early career, I tried to emulate what I thought a "proper" salesperson should be. I pushed harder in conversations, spoke more than I listened, and felt constant anxiety about being "aggressive enough." The result? Stressed-out clients, strained relationships, and a nagging feeling that I wasn't being true to myself.

The Power of Authentic Curiosity

Everything changed when I stopped trying to be a "salesperson" and started being a curious problem-solver instead. I remember one particular meeting that transformed my approach. I was sitting with a potential client, running through my carefully prepared pitch, when I noticed their subtle signs of disengagement. Instead of pushing harder, I paused and asked, "I sense this might not be exactly what you're looking for. What challenges are you really hoping to solve?"

That simple question led to an hour-long discussion about their actual needs – which were quite different from what I had assumed. We ended up crafting a solution together that not only won the business but led to a long-term partnership that continues today.

Four Pillars of Consultative Selling

Through years of experience and countless conversations, I've identified four key elements that make consultative selling both more effective and more authentic:

1. Listen More Than You Speak The most powerful tool in sales isn't your pitch – it's your ears. When you truly listen, clients tell you exactly what they need and how to help them. I make it a practice to ensure my clients speak 70% of the time in our first meetings.

   
   

2. Ask Questions That Uncover Real Challenges Surface-level problems often mask deeper issues. I've learned to ask questions like:

   • "What would success look like a year from now?"

   • "What's keeping you up at night regarding this situation?"

   • "How would solving this impact your team/organization?"

     
     

3. Focus on Client Goals, Not Your Solution Sometimes the best sale is no sale at all. I've actually recommended competitors' solutions when they were a better fit for the client's needs. While this might seem counterintuitive, it builds trust and often leads to referrals and future opportunities.

   
   

4. Bring Your Authentic Self Your unique perspective and experiences are valuable. As an LGBTQ+ woman in tech sales, I initially saw my differences as disadvantages. Now I know they give me a unique lens through which to understand and solve problems.

Real Success Stories

One of my proudest moments came from a client who initially seemed like a "lost cause." They had been unresponsive to traditional sales approaches from multiple vendors. Instead of adding to the pressure, I sent them a simple note: "I noticed you're tackling [this and that]. I've helped similar organizations with this and would love to understand your perspective on it. No pitch, just a conversation. And I would love to show you my favourite coffee spot."

That email led to a coffee meeting, which evolved into a deep discussion about their organization's challenges. We didn't talk about our solutions at all in that first meeting. Three months later, they signed our largest contract of the year – not because I pushed, but because I took the time to understand.

Moving Beyond the "Always Be Closing" Mentality

The old "ABC - Always Be Closing" mentality needs an update. I prefer "ABC - Always Be Curious." When you approach sales with genuine curiosity and a desire to understand, you:

• Build trust naturally

• Uncover opportunities others miss

• Create solutions that truly fit

• Develop long-term relationships

• Feel more authentic in your role

The Journey to Authentic Sales

If you're struggling with the pressure to be more aggressive in sales, remember this: Your ability to listen, understand, and genuinely care about solving problems is far more valuable than any high-pressure tactic.

Start small. In your next sales conversation:

• Ask more questions than you make statements

• Take notes and reflect back what you hear

• Be honest when you don't have the perfect solution

• Share relevant experiences that might help them

The best sales relationships feel less like a transaction and more like a partnership. When you focus on understanding and solving real problems, the "closing" takes care of itself.

Remember, being "pushy enough" isn't the goal. Being genuine, curious, and focused on creating value – that's what creates lasting success in sales.

What's your experience with consultative selling? Have you felt the pressure to be more aggressive in sales conversations?

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About the Author: After immigrating to Canada and building a career in tech sales, I now help organizations and individuals achieve their next level of growth through authentic, values-aligned strategies. My approach combines two decades of executive sales experience with a deep commitment to sustainable, human-centered business practices.